How are you doing?
When asked this question, participants at my lectures and workshops are unenthusiastic. Many of them sound very frustrated. A common response is “Blah, I am constantly running around, too much stress!” As the conversation starts rolling, questions on the topic start falling along these lines.
“What is stress?”
“Is it normal?”
“Can stress be useful?”
“What are the health consequences of excessive stress?”
“I don’t have stress. Is this dangerous?”
To find answers to all of these questions, you will have to read the following chapters. To get us started, though, I will answer just a couple, selectively, right here.
The first thing to know about stress, really, is that many people believe that feeling stressed day and night is normal. Partially true. Excessive stress is like suicide. Negative emotions secrete hormones that affect our body. These same hormones may, in the long term, have negative effects on our health. Too little stress, on the other hand, may also be harmful!
When I ask “Who in this group thinks has the most problems to deal with?” most individuals put their hands up – they think it’s them.
Here are some more brief answers / teasers to frequently asked questions.
Q.: “Are there some “lucky individuals” who were born with superior resistance to stress? Is it possible to be completely “insensitive?” What can one do to reduce (or increase) stress?”
A.: “Yes. No. A lot.”
Q.: “If I read this book, will I be able to get rid of stress for good?”
A.: Okay, I will answer this one as well, for the sake of marketing the book. I guess the answer is similar to the one for the question “If I take a bath will I smell nice forever?” or “If I eat a lot, will I feel hungry again?” The reduction or, rather, the management of stress needs to be a continuous, life-long process.
Q.: “What’s in it for me if I reduce stress?”
A.: The benefits of stress management include, among other things, better interpersonal relationships, a stronger immune system and fewer diseases, making a significant step towards the realization of one’s full potential (if this can ever be achieved …), and, obviously, wellbeing and a more pleasant and satisfying life.
Isn’t it strange? When we have a headache or a stomach ache we share our problem with everyone around, visit the doctor, follow the prescription, try “alternative or complementary medicine,”1 we even follow the advice of quacks.
On the other hand, when we suffer from excessive stress or are dissatisfied with our lives, we often do nothing but complain to people who are, overall, unable to help us resolve the actual stress problems.
At the same time, there is so much talk about stress on a daily basis without anyone ever saying enough. I sincerely hope that the content of this book will become a significant aid for the rest of your life.
In this relatively simplified manual, I have tried to summarize a series of theories and techniques alongside a number of everyday serious and funny applications. I have, as much as possible, avoided numerous references and academic citations to scientific studies. My goal is that everyone should understand the material. I assure you however, that (most of) what you are about to read is cross-referenced, with evidence and results from legitimate scientific research; apart, perhaps, from the folk wisdom that stems from the short tales cited. These proffer a common knowledge that has been available through the ages.
Q.: “Do you practice what you preach?”
A.: I was a champion at 15, a champion-worrier. I had received extensive training by that age. My parents were champions too! Apparently, the Greeks have a great national worrying team. Unfortunately, worrying never became an Olympic event.
“Do this, don’t do that, you haven’t eaten enough, wear this, watch out, you’ll hurt yourself, be careful, you’ll catch a cold …”
This lasted for years. In fact, I went through the first 24 years of my life having no idea about the psychological theories and applications described in the following chapters. I certainly wish I had been exposed to them earlier! Truth is that although my life has improved a lot since I have read and mastered the related materials, I often neglect to apply them when under pressure. But they certainly have made a huge difference in the way I see the world and deal with challenges.
–Spiderman, are you going out? –Yes Mom. –Put your robe on, you will catch a cold.
How our mind … runs
Al Oerter was an American athlete. He won four consecutive Olympic gold medals in the discus throw and has been in top physical condition for at least 16 years. According to Dr Dennis Waitley, when he was in his forties, Al made the following statement:
“By the time I realized that success is 90 percent the result for how our mind runs and 10 percent the result of how we run, I already had the body of a senior citizen! Oh, if only I could be young, if only I could have had this knowledge earlier in my life.”
Before we venture too far into this book, too, I suggest we engage in some training for our minds. Unfortunately, as I mentioned earlier, a single reading or a week of practice may not suffice to apply all of the good ideas that you will be exposed to here. They have to become habits and part of your way of life. You also need to hang out with the right people, those who will help you stay on the straight and narrow, when things get tough. Because, while I cannot guarantee that things will always run smooth, I can certainly guarantee that setbacks are inevitable.
Some of you may well wonder:
“Can we really learn psychological skills so as to feel better when things are not the way we would like them to be?”
I am confident that you will learn a number of valuable techniques and enjoy the reading. Go ahead, turn the pages, and flick through the book for a brief preview. No, do not read the end yet! For some reason, a lot of readers (including me) are tempted to do so. Resist the impulse!
THE WAY FORWARD
The book is divided into three parts. The first part is rather more theoretical, and as such, slightly “heavier” that the other two. All parts fit together though and, as I have already advised you, should preferably be read consecutively. More specifically …
Part I: A little theory
The first part offers a definition of stress, refers to the main sources of stress (which include “the idiots” in our life), and examines whether personality traits are related to the way individuals perceive and experience stress. The effects of excessive stress on physical and psychological health are discussed next.
Part II: Coping with stress
The second part distinguishes between healthy and unhealthy responses to stress and presents the basic principles of stress management.
You can’t stop the birds of worry from flying over your head – but you can keep them from building their nest in your hair. – Martin Luther King
Although we cannot get rid of anxiety and negative emotions, we can reduce their frequency, intensity, and duration.
This section introduces the “Ro”2 method, a simple yet sophisticated problem-solving formula that can help you deal with annoying people, situations, and your own thoughts. Ro is an infallible method that can be applied to any type of problem you are facing today or may face in the future.
Part III: A day in the life of Don Stressote
Part Three of the book recounts a day in the life of Don Stressote – a modern-day Don Quixote.
The hero, who has just finished reading the theoretical section and is, therefore, a proud graduate of the Ro method, attempts to apply what he has learnt, from the moment he wakes up to the moment he returns home exhausted.