What are you doing it for? A good party? To get with the times?
Trust me, it’s not worth a drop of what you will lose.
Take care of yourselves, bereginyas!1 – female quality to take care of the family
Every time after a chance connection a woman intuitively feels that she has lost something, that she has given something away gratuitously and dirtied herself. Many even want to wash everything off under the shower as fast as possible. Sometimes a woman can feel deep regret when she realizes that all of this was just for pleasure and there will be no continuation. Those who say that they don’t feel anything, that everything was great and both sides got what they wanted have maybe lost touch with their bodies long ago and stopped loving themselves.
Women who have had many sexual relations often come to my seminars. Inside myself I feel tears coming: “Why are they destroying themselves as women so recklessly, rushing to become aged, their faces covered with wrinkles of mature disappointments, and to lose their innocent and carefree beauty?” The self-destruction programme begins from early on, when a woman recklessly gets rid of her beautiful long hair for a boyish cut and pulls on tight jeans which constrict her stomach.
Why are we women prone to surround ourselves with secrets, stories veiled in mist, and create an aureole of obscurity around ourselves? This is a kind of intuitive protection – to hide behind a thousand doors of your secrets waiting for the only one, the one who is worthy to walk through each of them up to the very last one…
***
Jonny was the first man I trusted and could give myself up to completely. I allowed my egg cell to open up and let in his masculine particle inside it. Fusion, an explosion, fireworks! At that second I was the most relaxed woman in the world.
On the outside everything was as it always was; the sun, sea, beach, the regularity of summer weather during Egypt’s winter. But from that minute a new galaxy began to develop inside of me, a spiral of vitality unwinding at breakneck speed, a budding flower of love opening up its petals.
A day before conception a no less noteworthy event took place; we ascended Moses’ holy mountain – Sinai.
***
It was twilight when our journey to the summit began. We were going to meet the sunrise to be wedded and have our union blessed by Ra, the Sun himself. Some Bedouins met us at the foot of the mountain offering to sell us warm clothes. We bought some and let them keep the change to gain favour with the local spirits. It was our gift to that place in the form of money.
We made our way into the centre of the night’s eye. Nothing but rocks around us and a serpentine path as we went up, up and up. Some people didn’t hold out to the end and stopped to rest in small Bedouin huts. Others were short of breath, had headaches and could feel their blood pressure rising. This powerful place cleansed everyone who was in need of it. The local camels moved in a very relaxed manner as if they were floating on air and felt no strain from the ascent or loads on their backs.
With each metre the air became colder and the wind stronger. About half-way into our climb Jonny went a bit further ahead and I was left alone with the Wind. It felt as if it had been tracking me for a long time and had finally chosen this moment to reveal itself. My old lover had come back, as they sometimes do to get nourishment from us, test our resilience and see to what extent we’ve freed ourselves from them. And if we give in they take our female power.
The Wind wanted me to show it my vitality. It roared so strongly that I felt that I would fall off the mountain edge any second. I noticed that the energy of primal fear had awakened from deep inside my belly. And there, a metre away from me, a huge boulder caught my eye with a small hollow of safety in its centre. I squeezed myself into it with such force that I almost managed to get my whole body inside it. At that moment the stone seemed like plasticine to me, which I could use as a duvet to cover myself with. I pressed my whole body into it so as not to be carried away by the Wind.
Before this I had thought that I was tired from the long ascent, but nothing could be further from the truth; we have so many resources hidden inside ourselves which we are not even aware of until we are faced with a situation like this. The Replege movements which I was taught by my mentors came to the ancients this way i.e. when they clearly felt their vitality and began to move in a specific manner. This is why the exercises activate our inner potential and make us feel the intensity of life.
Jonny felt that I had got stuck somewhere and hurried back. Seeing me at the edge of the cliff he stretched out his hand and said “Don’t be afraid, just hold on to me.” I did as he said and was saved. The Wind disappeared straight away, as if it had never been there in the first place. We moved on.
I didn’t see anything apart from rocks, which we had to walk on carefully so as not to stumble on them. Jonny saw two shooting stars and shouted to me to look up and make a wish. We both made the same wish – for us to have children together. I felt that the stars were souls coming down from the cosmos. Newcomers, new guests in our world…
***
Each stone emanated its own hue: red, yellow, blue, purple. I felt like a lynx pouncing from one stone to the other. There was lightness and gracefulness to my movements. The stones I needed to step on pulled my feet towards them. That’s how I covered ground.
Just before morning we reached the summit. The group had almost but dispersed. Some people had stayed overnight in the little huts. For Jonny and me the ascent was a colossal cleanse from past ties and the summit was the apogee – transformation, the start of a new life, a strengthened union, swearing oaths of love. True love which only happens once in a lifetime. Everything that had come before was searching, sport, interests… One can make up a lot of names, but when true love comes nothing can compare to it and everything fades away in its light.
I had almost stopped believing in its existence. I was tired of the search for partners and the repetitive process of building a relationship and then breaking it up. How painful and energy-consuming it was to invest in a person and then break everything that had taken such effort to build. To break up without looking back. I was so tired of it that I had almost accepted to be a wild wolf in the wild forest of creation…
What we had made this night journey over the rocks for had begun to show itself – the sun was rising. I witnessed red light filling everything around it through the mountain range. It felt as if the sun had spilled itself over the whole sky and swallowed it. Fiery reddish-burgundy flashes rampaged around. It was incredibly beautiful. I’d never seen anything like it. A few minutes after that sun had appeared, another sun began to swim up from behind the mountain tops, showing itself without haste, bit by bit until it had turned into a big yellow disc.
Morning had broken. All who had witnessed this miracle were bathed in light. Everyone stood in a state of bliss and smiled at each other. This was a dawn of new hope for each person. It was a new stage in life; to leave the past in the past and start living a new page of life.
Jonny and I waited for the group to start their journey back down the mountain. Left in solitude we did the sun salute ritual to the 4 points of the compass on the mountain’s gathering point.
Sun salute
This practice is done at dawn. First we face east since the sun rises from this direction. Palms pressed together at heart level, we breathe in and stretch our arms out to the sides. We look at the sun and breathe in his energy and on the inhalation bring our hands together. Repeat 4 times.
We then turn to face north, repeat the movements 4 times, then west, south and back to east where we conclude the movements.
At sunset everything except for the breathing is the same – we stretch our arms out on an exhalation and join them together on an inhalation. At sunset we breathe out everything that we’ve amassed during the day. We renew our energy and bid farewell to the old Sun so that tomorrow we can welcome a new day with the new experiences it will bring.
***
After the Sun salute Jonny and I set down 4 scarab statuettes at each point of the compass. They were given to us as a present by Egyptian healer Osama, guardian of the ancient secrets of pharaohs on how to prepare rejuvenating oils, creams and healing teas, passed down to him by his ancestors. The scarabs were painted different colours, each symbolizing its direction or wind: green – east, blue – north, purple – west, brown – south. It is known that the ancient knowledge of Egypt, Mexico and other civilizations has a common root and the importance of number four can also been seen in Egyptian sources. We left the scarabs as an offering to this place and began our descent.
Week 2
The test showed two stripes. Clear laughter of heartfelt happiness rang out from my body. Jonny came into the bathroom and understood straight away. He lifted me up in his arms hugging me tightly. We laughed like children. We were those sun-filled children. We already knew about my pregnancy beforehand but were confirming it a second time for ourselves.
A true miracle has taken place. A divine plan. It’s almost unreal. I can’t quite believe it! Maybe I’m dreaming?! I don’t believe it…Have I really succeeded? Have we done it?! From now on I won’t be lonely, at least not for the next 9 months. Wherever I am, whatever place I’ll be going to, there’ll be another being with me; a friend in my belly.
***
After a few days of travelling down my fallopian tube, the embryo attached itself to my womb latching onto its little chance to be the recipient of life. In spite of my hyperactive life filled with Replege, dance, flights, and tempestuous sex, the embryo had survived and taken root in me. That was the first test that it passed in life. Now I had to get used to the constant company; sleeping with a new being inside myself, eating, walking, swimming with it the whole time and being aware of my duality 24 hours round the clock.
***
Two massive worlds are crammed into me and there is so little of the outside world …
I had never been this happy. Before I thought that I would be happy after publishing my first book, after setting up the Replege project or when I had earned my first million. But all that just gave me a short upsurge of joy that lasted a few minutes. True happiness was what I was experiencing now. Like a supernova explosion, a new star had lit up on my firmament – my womb. Crazy dances barefooted on the yacht with my beloved were now in the company of a third. Jumping on the soft seats on the deck I felt as light as a feather. I didn’t feel my weight but flitted above it. I united with the moon, the stars, the sea, the Universe. I was spinning in the dance of love to the rhythm of drums.
So much happiness was heaped upon me in one go; such a massive cosmic gift which I still had to accept. Sometimes we are given such big gifts by fate that it turns out we aren’t able to accept them. We can’t accommodate them and run away from them. Once we lose them we feel regret. But I had matured for this gift. Now I was a mother. And this is a completely different status for a woman, a new meaning and experience of herself. Now I was a true woman!
One healer in Mexico called don Bartolomeo doesn’t give consultations to women who haven’t yet given birth or at least those who haven’t found themselves a couple. He usually tells them: “First work through your sexuality, open up motherhood in yourself, and only then come to me with your questions. What spiritual growth can there be talk of if you have not yet gone through this?” Of course there is also another path of spiritual development; asceticism, monasticism and eternal virginity. But that’s another story.
Week 3
I felt like a 15-year-old who had just fallen in love. Walking down the road I could feel the freshness of the trees that had come to life after winter; the scent of the first budding leaves, the scent of first love, an explosion of life, a brand new wave. A bud was budding in my belly too. I felt that the processes inside me were taking place with explosive-like speed. I couldn’t keep still for a minute. A wave of energy. Drive. Adrenalin. Movement. I constantly longed for adventures, trips and journeys.
Do we need to do physical exercise during pregnancy?
We are liquid. That’s why we flow and are always in the flow. And the flow is movement. There’s a strange opinion that during pregnancy women need to move less, even that they shouldn’t move at all and lie all day in bed. Of course, lying down all day is ok if you have a good masseur at hand…
What happens with the body when we stop moving? The energy inside us begins to stagnate just like water in a spring. When fresh water stops flowing through it the spring begins to get clogged up and a boggy environment forms around it. The same goes for the body – blocks and tense areas form. A feeling of discomfort arises.
Movement, just like massage, stimulates stagnated energy in us and therefore gives us more vitality. Have you noticed that every movement is connected to the abdomen? This area is always engaged even in the simplest exercise, step, turn, bend and so on. Now the life maturing in your belly also moves with every movement you make. The life inside you feels these vibrations. It feels that we are alive and rejoices.
I taught Replege classes and exercised every day right up to the day I gave birth. This enabled my joints to retain their elasticity and my muscles to remain toned. And it provided the maturing foetus within with oxygen, and good blood circulation. So if you feel like it, be active and exercise! It’s so natural. What kind of exercise and how much of it is up to you. If you do regular exercise during pregnancy you will be able to prepare your body for childbirth.
Labour is a process which tests a woman’s stamina and really draws on her resources. I myself was in labour for 24 hours… but more about that later. Regular physical exercise develops the qualities needed during labour; we learn how to breathe deeply and correctly into our bellies and to keep going when that very moment comes.
My main recommendation is not to do anything abruptly and not to exhaust yourself. Now everything needs to be done calmly and smoothly, with one movement flowing into the other. Movements into joy. If you weren’t exercising before your pregnancy then it’s not a good idea to jump headlong into strenuous exercise now. Start slowly, step by step, and focus mainly on breathing, stretching and walking. It was pregnancy that taught me how to breathe and move properly. I started breathing deeply and carried out every movement with focus and a deep breaths in and out.
Quality, not quantity is key. And the secret of quality lies in breathing. Before pregnancy I did lots of repetitive exercise. I would repeat a set of movements 100 – 200 times, but my breathing was shallow. During pregnancy I only did 20 – 40 repetitions but my breathing was slow and deep, and I attained better results. No more frenetic and hot blooded movements. Everything become very meditative, dance-like, relaxed, and every muscle was paid attention to.